Day 2: Afternoon Drunk

I love the little things. The surprises which you have to just kind of quietly chuckle to yourself about, letting the world pass your private amusement by. And no activity so perfectly captures that moment as realizing that you're just a little bit drunk at four in the afternoon.

Allow me to back things up a few steps here, and tell you a little bit about the schedule that I've been developing for myself. Above all else, I feel it's important for me to stay active and engaged as I navigate my relationship with employment. To that end, I'm still getting up at pretty much the same time I did when I was working. Some of you will know that means an ungodly hour (around 5:30 am). I like to give myself a bit of time to shake off the night's sleep before I sit down to work on my novel at 6 am. I then make sure I put in either 2 hours of work, or I achieve a specific point which I have set for myself (like today, when I finished editing my first draft). It's my plan to then go out, clear my head, and enjoy the outdoors a bit; at least half an hour (an idea I've stolen from the David Suzuki Foundation.) Then I make sure I have at least one thing I want to do in the day, and schedule research, blogging, and studying at the Khan Academy around that event. So, lots to do, and no one to make me do it. This is probably one of the weaker points of the not-really-a-plan I'm "following".

This afternoon, the David Suzuki Foundation kicked off their annual 30 x 30 event; a promotion to encourage people to spend at least 30 minutes outdoors and in nature each day for the month of May. There's lots to be said about how exposure to nature helps us to process stress and relax, and opens up our mental avenues of problem solving, but I'm just happy to not be chained to a desk for 9 hours a day (at my former employment, a lunch break was not feasible for the pace of the environment). I've never been svelte, but I can really feel the creaky, laggy drain on my body that a true desk job has wrought on my body. Being active and outdoors is, to understate it, much better. To celebrate that freedom and to help cement my commitment to do at least a little better by my body, the kickoff event, a picnic in Grange Park, was my thing to do today.

 The Picnic-ers gather. . . 

Despite the fact that this morning started out completely grey, it turned into a lovely day, and I was very glad to have gotten out and enjoyed myself. I didn't really engage with the organizers too much; I really just wanted to enjoy the vibe and my lunch. Oh, and the show! The Lemon Bucket Orkhestra, a collection of 20 & 30-somethings who play Eastern European and Romani influenced tunes, were performing at the picnic, and man were they ever fun! Dance-able, interesting instrumentation, skillful musicianship, and a really fun presence make the Lemon Bucket Orkestra a must see for me at Lee's Palace on May 25th!

I decided to share my enthusiasm with my good friend Ryan Thomas, who lives in the neighborhood and was working from home this afternoon. Ryan is a digital media consultant, and one of the most interesting people I've ever met. He popped down to the park to tell me all about the band I thought I'd discovered, and to introduce me to Andy, Toronto's senior statesman for street performers. Unfortunately, things were breaking up as Ryan got there, so we had to wander off to find our own adventure.

This gentleman brings his adventure with him.

So Ryan and I wandered off, talking about what I'm doing and how I might brand myself in the digital space. While I've always found the concept fascinating, (we communicate so much so efficiently with brands) I've also been hesitant to see myself as a brand, or to brand myself, or however brand works as a verb. I find that corporate-speak is reductionist and dehumanizing, and "brand" is a very corporate sounding word to me. But I keep as open a mind as I can manage, and try to enjoy challenges to my preconceptions. Is it any wonder that after 20 minutes with my Ryan wanted a drink?

Ryan doesn't just have drinks. He gets himself onto pretty much whatever event guest list he wants to be on, and could easily drink for free nearly every night. He was also bar tending about the time I put down my first paper route, so he's got a wealth of experience and knowledge. So when Ryan wanted a drink, it was a drink he wanted to make. We stopped off at a grocery store and grabbed some fresh fruit, heading back to Ryan's. And below is how Ryan makes a drink:

Seen here: Backyard Swanky

You'll notice the little jar in the front of the frame. That's one of Ryan's 11 different varieties of home-made bitters. Ryan made us a few drinks, and we continued to talk about what I'm trying to do. Ryan conveys confidence. Not just in himself, but confidence in the things and people he knows. So it's a real boost to the ego to hang out and talk strange ideas of participation and economy and society with him, because he'll not only tell you to go for it, but he'll help you figure out how. The topics meandered, as they often will when a conversation is worth having, and the hours rolled by somewhat unexpectedly for both of us. We didn't have a whole lot to drink; just enough to feel a warm glow not born of the sunshine (my big bald head now bears a crimson streak to remind me that a warm glow is not always a good thing). I had expected to be doing research and studying this afternoon, or to use a coupon I have for a free movie that expires today, but somehow, I'm sated. Still, another adventure to be had tomorrow!

Day One

Recently I had a falling out with my employment. Between declining business and an environment which I did not care for, I came to be laid off. While this would traditionally be problematic for anyone, I'm actually looking forward to having the opportunity to proceed on ideas of my own. This blog is one of those ideas, or rather a part of the big idea I'm trying to pursue.

I am tired of doing work for someone else on something I don't really care about. The larger part of this responsibility falls on me; I never decided what I wanted to be when I grew up. I still don't really know what I would like to "be", and because of this fact, I have traditionally thought of myself as one of those "work to live" sorts. That always made more sense to me; that I would give up some of my time to someone else to do what I wanted the rest of the time. I think I made a big mistake.

I come from a family full of "live to work" types, but no one matches up with my grandfather on that front. He is well into his 80's now, and he is in the office every morning by around 4:30. This is not something I mention because I find it admirable; his health and personal relationships suffer from his choices, but it certainly has set the tone for my experience of the working world. Like his father before him, my father regularly spends 80 hours a week working, and I can recall that being the case from a very young age. My conflict with the manifestation of their productive drives led me to believe that I did not want to be one of them. But I'm starting to think that I am.

What I saw in my father and grandfather was needless sacrifice. I think this is because my grandfather grew up a Romanian refugee in Germany. For him, financial security and personal security are intrinsically linked. And while he lacked the education to have expressed that to my father while he was growing up, he certainly took up the example. I don't even think my father knows why he spends so much time and effort on business. I think he's just trying to prove something to his dad, or to himself. At any rate, that's just speculation.

I don't want to be doing things for other people; I want to do them for myself. That doesn't mean not helping others, but rather that my motivation comes from my own desires. Where I'm at in my life right now, that means expressing my thoughts and opinions, and completing the vexing creative work (pending disaster) that is the novel I started about 6 year ago. But in all that, I have had a thought which brought me to the creation of this blog; what if what I made was my life?

Given the tools and access we have today, is it possible to simply share your experience of the world, your views of it, to shape creative thoughts into being, and make that your productive contribution to society?

It is perhaps arrogant of me to assume that I can do so. Moreover, I would not suggest that this is something that everyone can do, or should even try! It's a poorly defined thought in my own mind at this point, but even if it were perfectly crystallized, I still wouldn't suggest that anyone try to follow my example.

At any rate, I'll be using this blog to share my thoughts and experiences as I attempt to turn my labour from a sacrifice to someone else's end, into my own voice and my own path forward.

This is bound to be a disaster of epic proportion.